#anxiety

[elle_white]

There’s a person in a writing group I’m a part of being an asshole to me for some reason. When I first meet her, my hands shook while holding a document they gave me. This happens sometimes because I have an anxiety disorder. She thought my shaking was hilarious. When she saw me today, she asked me to show her my hands to see if I was shaking again.

I’m a committee member, and she just became one as well. And when we’re planning for next years roster of events, I offered to do a talk about genres. Of course, I’m a great public speaker, I have a lot thoughts about it and it’s something I really want to do. I’ll be doing a speech in October. She made some sexual jokes as I was explaining the topics. I just laughed it off, and she pointed out I was blushing. I blush easily. She kept bringing it up, thinking it was funny. She told me she was going to take the piss out of me when I did do my talk. I was mortified. She said it a few of times. And I eventually I said, “Could you not? It’s not easy for me to get up and speak to a crowd, so please don’t do that."

She looked genuinely taken aback, and said “I’ll keep my mouth shut." 

"Good," I said bluntly.

The meeting was finishing up, so she left after that. Other members picked up on what she was doing, and they’re not happy with her behaviour. So she’ll probably stop now. I’m just still feeling really pissed and upset about the whole thing. I don’t think I’ve had anyone be that much of an asshole to me since high school. And because of high school there's always a part of that feels l'm being oversensitive, or it's my fault in some way.